Every so often I receive paper mail (I know it’s a shock, it’s not all digital). Mostly it’s bills or statements and I’m addressed properly as Ms [My Name] [Last Name]
But I also get mail as Mrs [Husband’s Name/Initial] [Last Name]
Yes, I changed my name, but that was mainly because I wasn’t happy with who I was with my old name. I could have just as easily picked an entirely new last name (as someone I knew once did). I went with my husband’s last name in the end because he needed the numbers (I’m now one of four, err six, in Australia, the others being my husband and his parents, plus two other people I don’t know).
I didn’t change my first name, and I prefer not to be addressed as Mrs Paul. If you’re a married woman (man, that sounds soooo old fashioned) do you have the same problem?
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13 chic comments:
Ooooohhh, I hate that too! I also took my husband's last name. I happen to like it and people don't mess it up hardly at all, unlike my previous last name.
I can deal with Mr. and Mrs. ...... on formal invitations and such, though I prefer for both first names to be listed.
However, if something is addressed to me specifically, then it should actually have my name on it.
By the way, I've been married for nearly 6 years now, I've still not gotten used to being called Mrs. .... While I don't really have anything against Mrs., I feel more comfortable with Ms. - maybe because I'm used to calling my mom-in-law Mrs. ....
I so agree, Mrs is Paul's mum, I'm Ms. If I ever have a daughter-in-law she is going to be totally confused (assuming people still change their name then).
I'm getting married next May and I've been wondering if I should change my name. I'm reluctant to give up my own name because, well, I love my own identity, having given it up in my first marriage and then reclaiming it upon separation. Any thoughts on this?
Also need advice, please help!
---> http://shoeofsalvation.blogspot.com/2007/10/dress.html
I too absolutely loathe this. I didn't change my name and although I understand and accept people assuming I have a new name when I don't, the point remains that whatever I chose, I do still actually have a name and am not a three letter appendage permanantly attached to husband.
E, if you don't want to change your name and husband doesn't care then don't. I know lots of people get really worked up about it (my mother was really annoyed with me) but I just feel that its only up to you and your husband and if you guys are happy then thats all that matters.
I can't imagine how angry that would make me. I'd probably be writing back to inform them that in future they should address me in the correct style or I won't open the envelope...and the letter would be in the post box before I'd had a chance to calm down!
I'm actually stunned that this still happens in this day and age. I remember that my parents have previously recieved letters marked Mr and Mrs [his initials and last name] but usually the initials are left out, or the letters are addressed to Mr [his initials] and Mrs [her initials], which makes more sense to me.
If I get a Ph.D and get married to someone without one, I know that's going to be fun. I wonder whether it's convention to keep the male-first order of address in that case, and what about two men or two women in a civil partnership? Interesting.
I did not take my husband's name and I never would. (We joke that I tried to get him to take mine but it's the one thing he's ever refused me. Mean man!) However, over the years, I've gotten very mellow about what people call socially me, Ms. B, Mrs. S, whatever. I used to be passionate about correcting it, but I guess I feel more secure about my identity,so what other people say at cocktail parties and on envelopes is irrelevant to me. Obviously, if someone wrote an article about my business and called me by my husband's name, that's another matter. It's not good publicity if they don't spell your name right.
Oh, and to commenter "E"...of course, I would say keep your own name. But that's just my personal opinion.
Miss Janey doesn't beleive in the assuming a man's name. Its an old practice from a time when women were men's property. She kept her maiden name. When someone calls asking for "Mrs. So and So" Miss J KNOWS it's a sales call and gets to truthfuly say, "No such person here." Like Kellie and Wendy B, she advocates that E keep her name. She doesn't get upset anymore about it, tho, when folks mess up. Miss J's hub sometimes get called by her last name so it all equals out.
AH!!!
I hope that doesn't happen to me..
Husband gets called Mr. [My last name] a lot though :) Because I'm the one paying the hotel bill etc, but they assume that I took HIS name.. or some BS like that
god.
Can my blog link to this blogs?
Wow, this post really stirred up some heat.
E, what ever you decide, make sure you are happy with it first. If your husband (to be) disagrees, ask him if he wants to change his name for you (or both change your name to something different)! Negotiation is the big thing.
Kellie, thanks for stopping by, and ABSOLUTELY!
LadyJulianne, I would write back but the letter came from relatives! I've asked before but it's a bit hard that way. Maybe they'll see this post ^_^. Interesting question about the order as well. I have one bill that I'm the primary on and it's addressed to Ms Icy and Mr Paul, rather than the other way around.
WendyB, Business wise there would be no question, I'd have to correct it straight away. I don't even mind Mrs Icy that much, it's the Mrs Paul I really object to (especially as he doesn't get Mr Icy at all).
Miss Janey (not Ms?). Husband getting called Mr Janey sounds good to me ^_^
FabBroke, does your husband mind when he's called Mr FabBroke? Just curious for a male perspective.
Anon, Feel free.
I kept my own name when I married and take Miss Janey's approach to telephone calls asking for "Mrs [my last name".
I find it annoying that Mrs is the default title; seems to imply that it's either somehow more polite to address a woman as Mrs, or subscribes to some idiotic and outdated notion that being married somehow gives a woman higher status.
e, keep your own name of you feel that's the best option for you :)
Hey Red, having the Mrs is somewhat annoying as a default. I'm sure I've received a generic mail with Ms as a default once, and I was suitabley impressed.
LOL @ Miss Janey, it is true that my husband has been called by my name too, especially in hotels. That's part of why I really don't give two hoots anymore.
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